A reader asks:

I was wondering what the Church see as dressing modest as well as wearing clothes and other items that is for men or women. In my girlfriend's faith, women wears skirts only except in situation like "working-out" then they can wear sweatpants or something like that. The members do not wear jewelry, tattoos, or no make-up (maybe small amounts but not to vibrant). Also, what does it means in 1 Timothy 2:9? Can women wear pants if not how is that different from a man wearing a Scottish kilt or the beginnings of high heels was initially for men but the culture changed it? Also there are pants that are specifically design for women and for men just like t-shirts and underwear. Can men and women wear jewelry? Should women put on make-up? As a Catholic, is this displeasing to GOD if men and woman dress modestly but wear certain clothing that is unisex? Some of the clothing is cultural base like some countries only women can wear pants but the men can never wear it. I always thought it depends on your intention of why you have a tattoo, wearing certain clothes or jewelry. If I am doing these things and they distract me from GOD (like wearing too much jewelry to the point I focus on it instead of GOD) then it is a bad thing. It sounds like I am making an intellectual excuse (what my girlfriend would say) for what I do and how I think but if I see from your response that I am wrong on some or all, then I will change my thinking and go with the Church teaches. Can you shed some light on this matter, please? Thanks for reading and for you time.

I dread putting up questions like this because they tend to be opportunities for Pharisaic bullies to beat up on the scrupulous and impose personal preferences on them as the putative "will of God". The simple fact is that the Church counsels modesty, affirms beauty, and tends to give very *very* few guidelines about how to implement that on the ground. That's because different cultures have very different standards of modesty and beauty and the Church is not here to micromanage that any more than she is here to dictates to us what foods are appropriate for a Church potluck. So, for instance, there simply is no Church teaching about whether women should wear pants or not. It depends on the culture and what the clothing *means* (if indeed it has any meaning). A Catholic in Polynesia a century ago would be perfectly modest and appropriate showing up to Mass in a grass skirt. But it would be weird in Ireland. Similarly, not all allegedly "unisex" clothing is really unisex. If the obvious intention and message of the clothing is to blur and distorte the difference between man and woman, that is problematic. But very often the clothing is simply worn because pants are comfortable and a skirt is chilly on a wintry day.

This is supremely a place where the best counsel comes not from Pharisaic crackpots who tie up heavy burdens for others and do not lift a finger to help, but from Romans 14. In matters of liberty, such as clothing, the best thing we can do is not waste a lot time fretting about what God thinks of mascara or pants, but focusing on charity, mercy, justice, and "the weightier matters of the law". The watchword here is "In essential things, unity; in doubtful things, liberty; in all things, charity." If a person has strong views about clothes and such like, they should live by their conscience, but not impose their conscience on others. If they are troubled by scruples, they should try the experiment of being no more scrupulous than the Church. The Church has seen everything from togas to levis to seal fur parkas to saris to strings of shells at Mass. Whatever is appropriately reverent clothing for a particular culture is the goal. Don't get loaded down by traditions of men.